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 Dreamer's Poetry

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*~Dreamer~*
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Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right)
Age: 18/15
Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)

PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Dec 31, 2010 6:06 am

I
Speak, but not the truth,
see, but not gossip,
smile, but it's just a lie,
laugh, but it's just irony,
hear, but they're just plain words,
feel, but they're just hollow.
seek, but dreams are shattered,
find, but heart is broken,
understand, but would rather not,
care, but would rather neglect,
know, but won't ever tell.
I love, but won't ever show.
~Ger.
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*~Dreamer~*
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Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right)
Age: 18/15
Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)

PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Dec 31, 2010 6:10 am

Perfect Swindlers

Words we shared,
they were just lies.
Trust we promised,
only I would keep.

Hopes I held,
just shatters too soon.
Dreams I have,
truth renders it naught.

Love expressed,
dwindles with time.
Rings exchanged,
returns to origin.
~Ger.
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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Dec 31, 2010 6:18 am

*~Dreamer~* wrote:
I
Speak, but not the truth,
see, but not gossip,
smile, but it's just a lie,
laugh, but it's just irony,
hear, but they're just plain words,
feel, but they're just hollow.
seek, but dreams are shattered,
find, but heart is broken,
understand, but would rather not,
care, but would rather neglect,
know, but won't ever tell.
I love, but won't ever show.
~Ger.

Do you have a title for this? I like this one, but I think it's just 'sweeping' along the lines, never really dwelve (wait, what does this mean??) into it. But still., it's a very smooth read!
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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Dec 31, 2010 6:20 am

PS-
I love this one in particular, and I meant it when I say love. I just don't know how to put my feelings into words with this one, it's-it's- um...brilliant!
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Age: 18/15
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Dec 31, 2010 6:32 am

lol. 'I' is the title of that poem. (it's bold ftm... just that it's not obvious)
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Age: 18/15
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Dec 31, 2010 6:34 am

umm.. i don't know how to answer that either... I just wrote it... out of randomness... I didn't even watch anything to get that inspiration... Probably because it happens to so many people all around the world... my friends, relatives, etc... maybe i'll too one day.
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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Dec 31, 2010 6:36 am

Haha, no wonder I didn't notice that
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*~Dreamer~*
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Age: 18/15
Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)

PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 2:10 am

Friends Forever

I'll come to your aid,
if you ever need it.
I'll kill those idiots,
if they ever hurt you.

Because
I became your friend then,
and so I've came to help you now.

I dream of a better tomorrow,
that we can walk hand in hand to.
I dream of a bright future,
that we head with close bonds to.

Because
I want to work hard towards my dreams,
together with all you wonderful friends.

I tried to stand up all alone,
for I wanted to be strong.
I tried to believe all you've said,
for your sake and not mine.

Because
I've sunk into a sea of fear,
for 'trust' has betrayed me time and again.

I wish, and only wish,
for us to patch up again.
I pray, and only pray,
for you to be true to me again.

Because
I became your friend then,
so I'm here to lend you a hand.

Because
I still trust this relationship,
so I have to believe you.

Because
I believe you can change,
so I'll walk together with you.
~Ger.


A/N: When will I be able to find the courage to walk out of this shell I always shrink into when I'm hurt... and say those bold lines... "Because I became your friend... Because I still trust this relationship... Because i believe you can change..." I wonder... Or is it just me running away from reality?

(Btw, if you've watched, Tumbling, this has quite a bit of adaptation from it.)

Credits: Tumbling.
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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 2:13 am

What's Tumbling?

Btw, a very soulful poem, the bittersweet friendship...
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*~Dreamer~*
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Age: 18/15
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 2:14 am

drama. >< I've been on a drama spam (for my idol ><><)

btw, it made me reflect a lot (the drama I meant)... Maybe I'm just running away from my life... Maybe I'm just hiding away... Trying to protect myself when I'm exposing every bit of my weakness.
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 3:54 am

Being human is fragile, physically and psychologically, but that's what immunity are for, even if we are weak, we need to be strong. Do not run away or hide:)
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Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right)
Age: 18/15
Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)

PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 3:57 am

/shrugs/ no idea. Maybe we're all just lost, waiting for someone to come and save us...? But we have to walk to a place where someone can see us...

Point is i don't even know if i'm hiding... and it hurts a lot to keep trying and falling. It's like some fool... you took so much effort to pick yourself up, but you end up getting yourself pushed down again... I sort of understand the meaning behind 'happiness is a choice', but maybe i chose to be unhappy... but but... but... I don't even know what makes me happy! /sigh/
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:06 am

Haha, being undecided sucked.

Maybe because you haven't found that spark in your life yet (nope, I'm not talking about boyfriends here). Happiness might come in many forms, someone will be happy when they get stuff, others might be content with just the chance to spend it with someone, it varies among people. For me personally, I found happiness (genuine ones) when I'm with myself, yes, I'm a loner and antisocial but I found solance (okay, am I being melodramatic??) when I spend time on my own, it's better than putting up with other people's crap ~winks~
You just need to find that spark, that tingling feeling that makes you wanted to smile:)
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Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right)
Age: 18/15
Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)

PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:12 am

i can't find it... that balance...

I stay at home, after a while, i get tired... and i try going out... and i feel awkward... it's like an emotional trauma i suppose... i've tried a lot of times to open up a little... yeah did on a trip, but sort of all forgotten... It's like... I just get used all the time...

I try to be nice, but end up i get nothing out of it... i feel like a big BAKA... kuso... why am i so soft? always the one to help others... when i obviously know i'll only get used... it's like people don't even bother about how i feel... Or is it because i don't say? wait... but i do! I say... if they bother to listen... and again, maybe not... i talk about deep stuff, but no one knows how i behave... they think i'm emo when i'm thinking... they think i'm just being dark and deliberately being depressed when i'm actually just trying to hold myself from bursting. It's like i keep quiet when they talk, they think i'm emo-ing... just because they are all talking... I prefer sitting at a corner (unnoticed) and listening to everyone... analyzing everyone... alright, this isn't a ranting thread lol.
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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:30 am

Hey Ger, I just realized that you described me as well. That's exactly what I felt.

Quote: 'it's like people don't even bother about how i feel... Or is it because i don't say? wait... but i do! I say... if they bother to listen... '
This is what drove me to the brink all the while, that's why I came up with my New Year's reolution, not to put up with people's crap. Because when you are being too nice, they take advantage of you, thinking you are a good one to bully. I am so tired of smiling while all the time I wanted to weep, facade I suppose. Or maybe it's me being oversensitve, idk. I wanted to speak, but everyone else around me is speaking too, and sudden;y my 'spotlight' was stolen and I'm in the dark again, they spill their hearts out, expecting me to comfort them, I do comfort and symphatize them, but do they....to me? So I ended up having an extra burden to carry, with mine still heavily crushed on my chest. Yup, I'm ranting too. haha. And this is so not emo-ing.

But above all, I believe you can find your happiness even in frustrated times, there would always be something that makes you smile. I know I do.
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Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right)
Age: 18/15
Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)

PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:41 am

erm.. i've something to edit about what you've said, for you to comfort them, it's empathize, because you know how they feel, it's putting yourself in their shoes... sympathize.. is just doing actions out of help-sake... actually sympathy is just helping others so that you don't feel like you owe them.

'The deeper the sorrow carved, the more joy one can contain.' I got this from somewhere. I can't remember. I think it's pretty true... when you're really sad, and empty, you tend to find joy in the simplest thing in life... maybe it's just a lie, a lie to people around, a lie to the world, a lie to yourself.

So you want people to hear you out? i guess i do want too... some friends do try... but I... I just can't tell them... i say a whole load of things... but i only scratch the surface of my problems... and end up turning the tables around to have them share with me their personal stuff...

Take advantage... I know what it is like to be stepped upon like you don't matter... and i've sinned along with the many others by bad-mouthing the pititful loners... been a loner, a sinner... and i'm now a hermit...

I'd say... maybe it's not obviously that i'm a hermit, but no one really bothers to find out how i feel... and those who bothers to... i don't really trust...

Many times, i try to bring myself to say something... something personal to them, but end up just shutting up and listening to them as the conversation continues... so far i've only been able to say something personal about twice or so... that's all...

Everyone has something they keep to themselves... Maybe i'm just one of the few who keeps more...? or maybe i'm actually telling a lot without myself noticing...? maybe... maybe... maybe...
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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:52 am

It all goes back to trust.
~sigh~ do we really have someone to trust?
Now, am I also considered a 'gen pi chong' (I forgot what it called in english >.<) because I actually agree with you again? Yes, I think I;m being shunned off, but then it also came to the part whether could I have really open up to them. Like I said, maybe I'm being sensitive and a bit angry at the fact that people can speak so openly but I'm the only one who huddled in the corner, afraid to open up. Maybe what I said were excuses, now that you had made me reflect on myself. It's not that people don't want to hear me out, but is it because I am AFRAID to let them inside the protective barriers I build around me? Could that be the reason?

But I still do feel that people couldn't care less about my feelings, perhaps it's because I tend to smile...always, and they never thought of me as the one who have problems. Maybe...maybe..maybe....

Well Ger, you might just be the first who understands:)
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Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right)
Age: 18/15
Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)

PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:58 am

Honestly... we all have our complexes... it's all different, but somehow we can understand each other...

I think you're one of the very few whom I actually bothered to say so much.

smile... i used to do that, but i got tired... so tired, i just pull on the 'i'm tired look' every day...

it's not like i want to, but well, it's true that i'm always tired >< Who isn't tired when we've a routine to follow? XD

well maybe they do think, but they weren't able to help? because it's difficult to help a 'shi fu' at the area he's a master of.

but what made you lock yourself up? (ignore this question if it's prodding too far... just concerned)
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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:22 am

I don't mind:)

And I think I've said this many times, but it's just trust. I guess that's the reason why I'm so locked up.
I don't know who to believe, who is trustworthy. I'm afraid that if I tell them my deepest thoughts, they would use it against me, or worse, treated me differently. Being a teenager is complex, adults say they understand us because they've been through it, but do they, really? Few things about myself.
I suck at socializing, I seldom click with brats.
I always be what people want me to be.
I smile a lot, sometimes it's because I wanted to, but sometimes it's fake.
I guess I am trusting you huh? Haha..

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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:26 am

I was just thinking, I do sound emo saying all these, haha.
But I am a cheerful person, I don't want to symphatize myself, I'll just be pathetic ;p Running away? Hiding? Protecting myself? idk....But thanks for hearing me out, a smiling girl tends to cry too, haha.
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Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right)
Age: 18/15
Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)

PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:40 am

There's no need to thank. That's what a friend is for. Although it sounds so cliché, but i mean it. Even though we've not met before, but being able to hear your story, i'm grateful.

Because when you hear others out, you learn from their mistakes. when you listen to their story, you find enlightenment.

And it sure is weird huh? to say such things to a friend. like i don't know who to trust, i can't trust anyone sort of thing... when obviously you're trusting that person to be saying that... so contradicting. I guess that's just part of life, paradoxes, contradictions and clichés. Inevitable.

well maybe because i'm in this family... so yea... actually i used to think that way (eww that makes me sound so old D:) about parents/ adults.

You say you know, but what do you know? you know shit! and you still say i'm exposing myself to danger by talking to strangers online... do you know what kind of life i'm leading when i'm out of home? do you know how much i'm hiding? do you know what i dream to me? do you know what i want? DO YOU? and then you turn back to say i didn't tell you all these, but if you really cared, really bothered to know, you would have asked, you would have watched me closely, you would have initiated conversations with me. What i taught last time.

But after i lashed it out at my mother, and she had a talk with me, i came to know why they say they understand us. because to be honest, the person whom we don't know the most, or know the least is ourselves. we think we know, but we know nothing. We think we're the only ones who understand all these emotions, but that's just because we don't share. We think we're the only one in pain, but we don't know how many others out there who are in pain but living on with every ounce of strength they have left in them. And that makes me feel like i'm a failure. Anyway, that's besides the point. so yeah, after the talk with her, i realize what they meant by 'i understand you' what they meant by understanding was only a perceptional thing. really. the understand actions, and the understanding of all these actions are from their perspective. yes, they may have gone through tougher lives than us (or maybe not?), but they won't ever understand. when we say we 'understsand' someone, we're just lying. because we don't even understand ourselves, how can we understand others, yet again, the person whom we least understand is ourselves... so what should we do?

Okay, that's so /sigh/ idk? I'm not even helping i suppose.

crying. it's okay to cry. It's not because crying helps you ease your emotions. IT. DOES. NOT. It only engraves the pain deeper into you (and i mean when you cry alone because i've never had the chance to cry to a friend). When i say it's okay to cry, i meant: it's okay to cry, IF you have a reason. or if you found a reason to cry.

Everything is about reasoning, logic. having your heart rule your mind is just weak. that's what i feel (although many times, i get ruled by my heart).
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Age: 18/15
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:46 am

(lol i just realized how long my post is. it is like some essay rofl)
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:56 am

You've enlightened me:)
Then I should add understanding to the list of 'overrated terms' huh? haha.
Understand, trust....why should we complicate things?
Honestly, I never talked back at my parents, and I do mean never, I could, the scenario is well played in my head, but I could never act it all out. I do suppose that parents understands us, in perception, but I won't say I completely understand myself. I'm very, random, easy to read on the surface but twisted inside, but I could hardly understand them, why I would actually feel this way. Sometimes when I was down, I asked myself. Why are you crying? And I took time to think yet foun the reason why I cried stupid, or 'bratty' even.

Gah! I feel so confused all the time. Is it possible to feel hatred and love at the same time? Self-pitiful but locked up? I can't answer questions like 'what are you thinking?', at least not honestly, because I think in several perspectives on every thing.

I know it's okay to cry, I know I cried for a reason, but most of the time, I'm clueless. Being a teenager is complicated huh? I might look at myself 10 years later and laughed at how sensitive and complicated I am now.

Yes, I do get what you mean, being ruled out by our heart. That's why logic exist, as a balance to our 'instincts'...
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:57 am

LOL
I always written long comments on another site with a friend. few thousands words, no joke!
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jan 01, 2011 6:07 am

well... I know where you're coming from... because i tend to be the one who gives a more all rounded look at an issue... (even though i may be caught up in it emotionally)

I don't know how that's possible... it's like there's two me... and it's really scary sometimes when am conscious of these two at work... It's like... a third popped out to looked at these two ZOMG. I scare myself when i think of that.

Like for example, when i'm doing project, and there's so slacker in the team. And i'm the leader. I get super damn pissed and lash out in my poems. but when i speak, its like i can get both pissed and rational at the same time. and when it dawns on me how unnatural that his, it scares me even more. because to find out, it's more scary... it means it's not just two minds, it's three...ZOMG GAHHH IT'S SCARY REALLY.

Can you imagine yourself finding out that you're like working on two extremes. it's like like... okay, this is really really scary.

i take a simpler example:
when reading a book, i will read with two different minds. one looking at the way the story is written, those kind who are editing and really serious workers who want to improve themselves in their writes. and i can notice to the details of how much conversations they have and how they describe an action.
and the other mind? i'm like, zomg cry cry cry, touching touching! and wow amazing! and all the imagination bubbling.

And then... when i'm halfway through... i sudden see those two minds working. it's like there're three me. one is a very logical side of me, always striving to be better. and another is the completely emotionally controlled side of me. and then after awhile i see a third mind who is watching the two minds. WTH I FREAKED OUT when it first happened to me. but now it's sort of so normal.. so a part of me.
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Dreamer's Poetry
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