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 Dreamer's Poetry

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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Jul 29, 2011 8:42 am

HAHA! I laughed when you put the ASS in capitals, emphasizing how much they sucked.
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*~Dreamer~*
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Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right)
Age: 18/15
Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)

PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jul 30, 2011 6:33 pm

Aimless Motion

A norm it is for those
who see but with
unseeing eyes.
For we fear what comes
in view when we open 'em.
~Ger.
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Katie-la
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jul 30, 2011 9:27 pm

*~Dreamer~* wrote:
all i could come up with was a write about the piano (again) ><

Better piano than nothing at all. Besides pianos are BOSSSSSS. xD
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Katie-la
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Jul 30, 2011 9:45 pm


Umm, sorry, guys, I kinda skipped some of your convo...What's the deal with the poem to the teacher?

Aimless Motion - I love it. It's just so...compact? I don't know. But I do have a problem with the word choice. Using "norm" and " 'em"...I don't know. Those words just kinda clash in my mind. But I also love that you used those abbreviations. They're just so...cute? Nah, not really cute...Just unordinary. xD

Again, I ask, what were you feeling when you wrote this? Only this time, it's not to compare. I didn't feel your feelings in this, Ger. What were you trying to get across?

What is a norm? A norm is is for those with unseeing eyes...Aimless motion, I'm guessing?


Opened Palms -
In the 2nd stanza near the middle:
"so all that I've learnt can be applied next instant"...incorrect grammar. This makes no sense. There need to be something in between "applied" and "next".

Last stanza:
It was a bit ramblish, but I thought it quite cute, neat, and comical. c[=

Actually, that's what I thought of the poem...(The last stanza review.)


It was, all-in-all, cute, neat, and comical.

And sadly, I feeling I've had a countless amount of times.

Basically, how I feel about this poem is that the speaker is serious, but it comes off in a bit of hilarity.

I don't know. When you have this dire need and everyone finds it funny that you would even think of that. That's kind of how this was...Only, I've had that feeling, so...I'm basically on the other side of the line with you...Getting poked at. xDD

But, yeah, though the harsh review, I absolutely adored this poem. It was quite light and heavy in tone, and it was a refresher. A deep breath. A much needed one at that.

So yeah, I have mixed emotions on this one. I love it, but it seems...different from your usual style. I'm guessing it has something to do with the whole teacher-poem-thing that I'm missing here. xDD

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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sun Jul 31, 2011 3:22 am

Wow, that is a pretty good review Katie!

Here are my thoughts for Aimless Motions

Personally, I love this piece, but I don't think the story of the poem relates much to the title though. It was more of 'Oblivion' and 'Fear' than it is 'Without aim', but that's just how I see it Very Happy
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*~Dreamer~*
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sun Jul 31, 2011 6:35 am

Without aim -- aimless motion. i think that equates (:

ermm..
about your review katie, i'd say i have no idea. often, i write, but with fragments of my thoughts, that i piece together... in which are often incoherent.
I must admit i didn't check. and thanks for pointing out the mistakes.
Urm... i think it is just what you read it. I don't think there's anything more than there is to the lines. what you read is what you get. but as poets, we all are, we conceive more than the words tell us, because we imagine it to be more. Like what of shakespeare wrote, 'The poet's eye, in a fine frenzy rolling,/ Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven;/ and as imagination bodies forth/ The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen/ Turns them to shapes, and gives airy nothing/ A local habitation and a name', we go too far, that we overlook the surface meanings that lay naked to our eyes, if not for our natural leaning towards seeking what's nothing there, denying that it's 'between the lines'.

Rambling. that's basically what i do most of my poems. it's just a different kind of rambling. i am just vexed, lost, and not comprehending anything i feel i know, the stark contradiction that hazes all my thoughts, making it like that of a television without proper connection -- fuzzy and irritating.

open palms. idk. they were just a unique plot, a unique piece of my mind, for each stanza. pieced them together because i couldn't be bothered to find a title for each. okay, not that i couldn't be bothered, i just didn't want to. i felt they linked, one way or another. well it did, until i came back to it. ><

I could make this into a poem too... that'd be way over shakespeare's way of expression. but who cares~

btw, i'm not in a very good mood if you can tell.. slightly mellow, a kind of filled emptiness. and i'm so oxymoron-ic. ><





Last edited by *~Dreamer~* on Sun Jul 31, 2011 6:48 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sun Jul 31, 2011 6:42 am

The Right Foot

Wealth with modesty,
yearn by so many.
Riches with friendliness,
feared like the lioness.

Couples with friends,
picked and magnified.
Friends but far apart,
missed and left aside.

If center is where you are,
then middle'll be where you end.
Thus circle that rings around,
stays as contours of the body.
~Ger.
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Age: 18/15
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sun Jul 31, 2011 6:49 am

[This poem has no title]

Maybe, I long,
or just, desire,
to have,
such friends who would
bother.

Rather, I dream,
or just aspire,
to reach,
an end without
failures.
~Ger.

A/N: I'm not intending to give this poem a title. sick of always trying to find titles to fit the poem. Who cares? if there isn't a title, why try so hard to give it a title, which ends up summarizing your poem, or foreshadowing what your poem wants to say? just leave it empty. A keen reader would read it.
okay i'm just in terrible mood, starting to feel like i'm PMS-ing. but i obviously am not. i don't have PMS. i am just feeling irritable and all.
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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Thu Aug 04, 2011 2:41 am

I love titleless poem, because it gives the reader a better chance to think, if that make sense. Sometimes a title restrain the ability of a reader to imagine.
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Thu Aug 04, 2011 6:18 am

Nah, i just couldn't think of any. rather, i didn't want to think of any. so yea, just left it blank.
I guess it's true, what you've said. more space for imagination...? i am not so sure about that. but definitely does put aside 'forshadowing' and all.

i've got a school walkaton coming up, that i'm negotiating with my parents to write me a parent letter to NOT let me go. ><
they can't do anything so long you have a parent's letter.
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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Thu Aug 04, 2011 9:49 am

I wish it was with my school, instead we have to have DOCTOR'S letter.
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Aug 05, 2011 5:38 am

our MCs are like... idk... students just go see the doctor every other day.
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:15 am

Rather Nightmares

Darkness beheld the skies as
night sat I down upon
mellows that soft refreshning
dreams caressed.
every night, a different
visage, queer but sound.

Yet, anguish bulldozes peace,
wrecking waves and crashing sails!
I dip beneath the surface.
Breaths of salt, all natural,
take I in, as fear dragged I down,
into the torrential black depth.

Sirens! I was wakened.
Sweat. Tears. Body, all shakened!
Devil it was, terror I felt!
None quite menacing yet. till I woke.
~Ger.

A/N: I don't know if I got my message across here. It may be important, and also one of my crucial point, but others include successfully creating the imagery and effectively evoking emotions (wow, just realized that's an alliteration!). Working hard on that. I tried mimicking a poet's style a little. not sure if it worked out well. Uhh, attempted to use her style is more evident in the last two stanzas. with exclamation marks for the second last stanza and 'Sirens!' for the last. In her poem, she had 'William!' as the starting word of her last stanza. decided to experiment around with new styles ><
The rest were just random. I read this online poet, she had her emotions come in before her description/ action of the feelings which somewhat reminded me of Shakespeare. I haven't really tried much of Shakespeare's style other than his 'thee', 'thy' and 'thou'. lol. It does make my work sound Shakespearean, but not exactly as neat as it would be if i were to adapt his style. So tried two different poets/ writers here, hope it works out well.
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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Aug 05, 2011 8:46 am

Hey, this is brilliant! Actually, it was quite.....um...how would I put it....lively! The words are literally dancing off my screen, and I like the imagination that I'm coming up with, sands, water, those are pretty vivd in my mind. I would say I love this piece, and that it is yet another creative poem Ger!
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*~Dreamer~*
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Age: 18/15
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Aug 06, 2011 1:58 am

thank you. (: It's good to hear some positive comments for a an experimental write, but it'd be good too, if you could give some constructive criticism for it (: much appreciated Very Happy
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Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right)
Age: 18/15
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sat Aug 06, 2011 5:59 am

Pendulumn

Left, right, left, right.
Here they come and there they go.
Soon they can hypnotize,
and slowly bring forth slumber.
Yet, while I do oscillate about,
but I swing upon the spiteful
emotional continuum,
Left, right, left, right.
~Ger.
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Age: 18/15
Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)

PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sun Aug 07, 2011 2:22 am

The Legal Fraud

Pen to paper do I scribble,
as words begin to appear.
I calculate and speculate,
with different possible mix.

Yet when I do conclude,
they all read more of
dreams and aspirations,
than down to earth realities.

That line which cordons
the Greezers from Socs,
I come after and not before.
And thus do I worry.

What use is a position
that you cannot attain?
What purpose is a seat
that you'll one day loose?

Many give empty encourages that
you can squeeze and push
your way into the bottom scoop,
of the elite group if you try.

Those school enrollment
that are given, they
seem to give you
some previledges...

But they're just lies,
which hurt like break-ups,
they lead you in their traps,
and then throw you out.

Fear stacking stress,
anxiety suffocating soul.
There's no way out,
there's no way out.
~Ger.
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Age: 18/15
Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)

PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Sun Aug 07, 2011 7:22 am

The Star

Tugged on the bows and strings
of my heart and soul,
every word, line, verse and song.
You make me smile and proud,
to be idolizing and fanatizing,
you are everything that I
dream, aspire, and hope to become.

I adore but abhor you,
for I appreciate and feel
for each word you sing,
rupturing my pride when
the music finally ends,
and I'm left with the empty
vacant vault I am,
without skill or talent --
just a nobody in the crowd.


You clear but haze my mind,
as I yearn but realize I can't reach
the place where you are.
I wonder what I can be,
ponder where I can go,
because there's nothing I can do,
with the many flaws
and lack of abilities.
~Ger.
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Age: 18/15
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:01 pm

Beyond Textbooks

Of the toughest subject do you teach,
watching faces of anguish and defeat
for each passing batch you do guide,
turn to complexions of fervor and joy,
as they receive their CH grades.

Eduring part-time students like us,
not bringing notes nor doing work,
some even nodding in dream land before you,
yet you pushed your limits to help us out.

Hiding medical conditions and feigning fine,
you tricked us to believeing it's just mood swings,
while staying back till 8 on days of offical MC,
you bit back pains to squeeze time out for us.

Though I do have a pure to fall back on,
but I will do you, and myself proud,
with effort and perseverance you showed me,
I must believe i can reach the stars.

Knowing you're leaving this end year,
hurts to know I will see you no longer,
worst still, my juniors who're under you,
I feel a sinner hiding all these truth.

Whatever that comes for me,
I will remember your actions,
what you've taught me through them--
and persevere untill the very end.

Trite as it may be, thank you
for your guidance and care,
and sorry for letting you down before,
for being a part-time student.
I wish you a Happy Teacher's Day!
~Ger.

A/N: This is the poem I've written for that teacher i said had a misunderstanding with. and yeah, the one i said i was finding a difficult time writing a poem for her.

CH -Combine Humanities. It's a subject with two humanities. for me, it's social studies (compulsory) and elective geography (you can choose others like history or literature). She teaches the compulsory half of the subject -- Social studies. which practically killed every cohort on their first year taking it. cannot understand the content, cannot understand how to apply the skills. always getting L1/1 (lowest grade, which is 1 mark. level 1, 1 mark).
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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Thu Aug 11, 2011 1:53 am

Beyond textbooks - See, you did it. And so, I assume you don't plan to hand in the blank poem? That would be a great piece too Smile

Pendulum - A short one, but emotions packed between the lines, especially when you repeated left right left right, is it just me but I feel sort of hypnotized too? No kid! Just a slight pull towards the computer screen and I was, what the heck is that?!
I'm telling the truth!!

The legal fraud - Hmm.....what a perfect way to describe you-know-who, combining legal and fraud, you just expressed what I wanted to express about them. There's no way out, once again you emphasized on this sentence, sensing desperation? Unjustly? Frustration? I love this one, you enlightened me with your words Smile

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Age: 18/15
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Thu Aug 11, 2011 5:25 am

no. she would go 'what?' and then get pissed. and what a day it was to give her the card today! guess what? my phone's alarm rang in class and she confiscated my phone. rofl. what a time to be thinking of giving her a teacher's day card right? ><

great i did lure you into it. now... sleep... you're going to a far away land... lol okay. i am no witch or wizard for the matter, can't do all that. but yeap, it was for that effect, the repetition.

I have this feeling we're looking at two different things. you-know-who? i don't know. and i REALLY don't. lol. I'm talking about the system of DSA. i'm assuming here that you know what it means. if you don't, please ask. because we come from the same region, and we seem to share so much in common for education, i am not going to further explain this, unless of course, your country doesn't have that.
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Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right)
Age: 18/15
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Thu Aug 11, 2011 5:36 am

Sweet Haven

The tooth that is sweet,
loves what is flavoured,
citrus, berry, chocolate, whatever!

Watch them roll and chop,
roll and chop, roll and chop.
Then, into bottles they do fall!

Rocks against glass,
opaque in transparent,
it can't be any clearer!

Once its mouth opens,
out goes the sugars,
one, two, three, and all are gone!

The teeth that are sweet,
loves every kind of candies,
melon, milk, soya, or anything!

It is time to take your pick,
consider not too carefully,
because you can always take another!
~Ger.

A/N: This is the sweet i'm referring to.
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natshane
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Thu Aug 11, 2011 11:26 pm

Sweet Haven - Okay, the first one that caught my eye is the XOXO one, haha. I'll pick that! I never see it in my country ><

Teacher's day card - lol, I guess your timing sucked! But oh well.....sometimes it's just fate?

Pendulum - I thought you need not be a witch or wizard to hypnotize?? LOL

The legal fraud - Oh, I thought you were talking about the education 'people' not the system, but I guess it goes both ways, the system would be nothing without the people who conduct it. Judging by the term 'fraud', I assume it is human, haha

(And in which, I am a vampyre! After one year of posting, Razz Do you know that the last two books of HON Burned and Awakened is actually written by Kristin Cast? No wonder the quality dropped Razz)
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Age: 18/15
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Aug 12, 2011 9:33 am

ahha. i do agree that it can go both ways. it's a pendulum. ><

i mean you need to be trained to hypnotize people, no?

yeah, and me? i think it has been ages since i joined, and i'm not even near 1000 posts rofl. far from being a vampyre. ><

yeap, but it is basically about the sweets.

in a foul mood today. but can't really pen down my emotions.
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PostSubject: Re: Dreamer's Poetry   Fri Aug 12, 2011 10:21 am

Condone and Dismiss

Fairness is a continuum,
judged by ones involved.
Who is to determine,
what is and isn't?

Yet some thinks not sot,
assuming it's 'all rights reserved',
as dictators are they,
of all the lives they guide.

Thought beget weariness,
as sleep do call I upon.
Thou shall hereby rest,
and awake to a new tomorrow.

Aside shall days of
blemishing past be put,
and embrace the amorous
acceptance of loving sleep.

Gently count the stars above,
as exhaution gives way to dreams,
and thou shall in sleep regain,
energy expanded from contemplations.
~Ger.

A/N: Answer to the foul mood. it's about the issue of that teacher confiscating my phone.
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Dreamer's Poetry
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House Of Night :: Literature Classes - Creativity Section :: Poetry-
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