| insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD | |
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Thu Jan 06, 2011 6:30 pm | |
| Borderline
I am on one side of a big white line The people that I've known are Standing on the other side They walk forward slowly but run faster as the time goes
They are changing in front of me But I'm stuck, rooted to my place Rooted to here, where I've stood Stood still for way to long and now...
Last edited by Katie-la on Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:27 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Thu Jan 06, 2011 6:35 pm | |
| Time
I'm running out; I know it Please turn the hourglass Just make it stop now
Or rewind it too Make it go back I could fix it I would fix it all. | |
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natshane High Priestess
Join date : 2010-06-11 Location : In a deep deep hole....
Character sheet Name: Adrianna Age: 16 Affinity: Hobby: Writing
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Fri Jan 07, 2011 12:49 am | |
| I love time, because one thing insurance company couldn't buy, it's time! XD (Got that from Dear John) I love all 'time' related poem, and even a short one like yours:) It's direct and meaningfulXD | |
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*~Dreamer~* Losing Two Friends
Join date : 2009-06-16 Location : somewhere behind a computer screen ><
Character sheet Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right) Age: 18/15 Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Fri Jan 07, 2011 6:53 am | |
| Cool piece of write there about time! I sure do want it to turn back. I wish I'm back again to Sec3... Starting a new syllable and in my first semester of preparation for final years. Now, I regret not working hard enough and scoring all the Bs and Cs. | |
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Thu Jan 20, 2011 4:54 pm | |
| Syllabus, you mean??
And GOOD LUCK! Haha. I'm dreading high school right now.
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natshane High Priestess
Join date : 2010-06-11 Location : In a deep deep hole....
Character sheet Name: Adrianna Age: 16 Affinity: Hobby: Writing
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Thu Jan 20, 2011 9:30 pm | |
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*~Dreamer~* Losing Two Friends
Join date : 2009-06-16 Location : somewhere behind a computer screen ><
Character sheet Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right) Age: 18/15 Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Sat Jan 22, 2011 12:47 am | |
| i don't dread going to jc, but i do dread going to poly.
The point is, i don't dread going on with education, but i dread the major examinations which determine where we'll be heading to. | |
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Sun Feb 20, 2011 3:46 pm | |
| I completely understand that, Ger, but I love tests Haha...If I know how to solve the questions. xD
Over-Zealous
I'll give it all I have For this single shot Everything I have Every single spark
But will I truly make it Or will I be left in the dust Left to pick up the tiny Minuscule pieces of my heart
I've poured blood Sweat and tears Into this one shot But will my feet fail
I get anxious and jittery I'm constantly moving about Will all this crap work out Or will I just drown miserably
I guess we'll see won't we ;]
Last edited by Katie-la on Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:30 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:30 pm | |
| OMG last stanza totally rhymed. haha just a gift. ^_^ jkjk
For It
Are you ready for me Because I'm coming out
I'm going to shoot up Out into the dark night
And make you think That the sun just rose
Cover your eyes Because I might just be too bright
xD | |
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:35 pm | |
| My mind is telling me "Stop."
But my heart is shouting "Go!!"
So my mind replies, "Please stop."
Then my heart is all like, "Umm...Why are you still not moving? Go, Silly Goose."
But my mind starts to get a bit feisty (well, almost), "Honey, I'm getting a bit angry. Make it stop talking...Please."
And OHMIGOODNESS, that doesn't go well with my heart ...So, yeah. It basically explodes. xD
Can that even be considered poetry? rofl
o.O And btw Heya, Nate! bahaha | |
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*~Dreamer~* Losing Two Friends
Join date : 2009-06-16 Location : somewhere behind a computer screen ><
Character sheet Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right) Age: 18/15 Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Sun Feb 20, 2011 9:38 pm | |
| I like the rhyme here. very smooth flow. Simple words, it's a cliche topic to talk about, but you brought it across so well. (: sweet. talks a lot about first loves... or maybe, i should say first love, but a first REAL love. Desperate, desperate.
Fav lines: 'I love you I need you I want you To stay But instead The moment's over You fade away'
So much emotions is packed within just these few lines! really the repetition of ideas in the first three lines really tugged on my heart's strings. <3 it!
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Thu Mar 03, 2011 5:02 pm | |
| Haha thanks, ger~! Lemme think of some more. xD I'm feeling confused right now so how about something along the lines of this...
When left to choose Between Me or Them I always choose Them
Today I want To Choose Me but it seems that I can't
It's not the right thing
Last edited by Katie-la on Sun Mar 06, 2011 8:22 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
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*~Dreamer~* Losing Two Friends
Join date : 2009-06-16 Location : somewhere behind a computer screen ><
Character sheet Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right) Age: 18/15 Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Fri Mar 04, 2011 3:08 am | |
| this... really sounds like you're confused... it baffles me too. I can't seem to comprehend what you're trying to say.
'when left choose'? what did you mean by this line? i was like. W-H-A-T?
and the last line. Ãt's not the right thing'. i don't understand either.
it's just as confusing as you had meant it to be i suppose? | |
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Sun Mar 06, 2011 8:28 pm | |
| EDITED! I meant to choose. hehe
It's like you're faced with two choices. One for you or One everyone else and you know that you should probably put everyone's happiness in front of your's. But you really really don't want too.
Lemme try again.
I step hesitantly towards one Then I quickly jump back I look at both and I scratch my head
I go to the other one and I almost-- But no. That's not the right thing I go back and sit on the ground.
Both of them stare.
They want me to choose. They want me to choose badly. I know what I want. I know what they want.
So I go No backward glances.
This time I make decisions for myself. Forgetting everyone is easier than it sounds. xD
It's more like a story than a poem rofl | |
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*~Dreamer~* Losing Two Friends
Join date : 2009-06-16 Location : somewhere behind a computer screen ><
Character sheet Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right) Age: 18/15 Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Wed Mar 09, 2011 4:24 am | |
| ahhhh i get it now. the picture is a lot clearer here! great! (:
well it alway starts off like that. believe me, i was like that too.
and in fact, a poem is a story... just it is the SUMMARY of the story in a flowery manner. | |
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Wed Mar 09, 2011 2:24 pm | |
| I don't write very flowery. rofl haha Work at it!! Okay, thanks for the input. I really appreciate it. Don't hold back, Ger!
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Wed Mar 09, 2011 2:29 pm | |
| When someone you love Or loved more like it Looks down on you And tells you that You can't do it
It hurts.
THEY betrayed YOU And now they can't believe in you Now they smash Your most potent dreams When you give it your all
It makes me sick. | |
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*~Dreamer~* Losing Two Friends
Join date : 2009-06-16 Location : somewhere behind a computer screen ><
Character sheet Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right) Age: 18/15 Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Thu Mar 10, 2011 2:18 am | |
| Erm this last poem. yes, i can see it's a summary, but it tells the reader how it feels, doesn't show the read how it feels. to show, you've to evoke emotions. and to do so, you'll have to describe the actions... okay, i'll use your poem as example. (i'll be taking the idea of your poem) - Quote :
- When someone you love
Or loved more like it Looks down on you And tells you that You can't do it
It hurts.
THEY betrayed YOU And now they can't believe in you Now they smash Your most potent dreams When you give it your all
It makes me sick. I'd put it across in such a way: Years and months of devotion and love, crushed within the fraction of second, when he simply put me down and said, You cannot make it, just give up. Which life did I commit a sin, that I am condemned to such fate, to suffer the grief of being betrayed? Yet today, I'm but taken as a lier, when it was I who had given my all, went through all the agonizing sorrow, and had my potent dreams shattered. All these mess just makes me so sick. | |
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Tue Mar 15, 2011 12:55 pm | |
| OMG! Ger that was amazing. You totally explained what I was feeling...Shew, I wish I could write like that. I was beautiful xD You should totally look into a career involving poetry. | |
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*~Dreamer~* Losing Two Friends
Join date : 2009-06-16 Location : somewhere behind a computer screen ><
Character sheet Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right) Age: 18/15 Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Wed Mar 16, 2011 4:16 am | |
| well, i wish there's such a thing, but look at all the famous poets/ artists... and all those who are literally inclined and tried to make a living out of their works... Not one was famous when they were alive... they all lived unknown, but died well-known. I don't want a life without certainty... because being a poet just doesn't get you a stable income... i'd rather be a nobody who works for a somebody to get some money.
well, thanks for the praise though! encouraging.
Believe in yourself my friend, i'm sure you can do a lot better (: | |
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Wed Mar 16, 2011 5:20 pm | |
| Awww So sad, but so true. I'd rather live out on the streets, pursuing my passions, then being pigeon-holed in regular job. | |
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*~Dreamer~* Losing Two Friends
Join date : 2009-06-16 Location : somewhere behind a computer screen ><
Character sheet Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right) Age: 18/15 Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:19 pm | |
| i wish. that's all i can say. imma try being a writer... but i'm just not good at writing. | |
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Katie-la Being Chosen by a Cat
Join date : 2010-10-17
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Sun Mar 20, 2011 3:34 pm | |
| haha. I know the feeling. But YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER, GER!!
Sinking
Sharp words Floating through fragile air The world breaks Feeling harsh on your ears Tears fall You crumble
You run for the serene light at the end Only to find the solemn darkness | |
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*~Dreamer~* Losing Two Friends
Join date : 2009-06-16 Location : somewhere behind a computer screen ><
Character sheet Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right) Age: 18/15 Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Fri Apr 08, 2011 9:28 pm | |
| Keep trying. it's important to keep trying (: I can see attempt to put in more imagery into this write. It feels a little disjointed esp the last line. most of it flows well, just that last line. 'you crumble'. it seemed to have no tone to it... okay maybe not no tone, but rather flat and emotionless compared to the other lines. A little more explanation to your poem maybe? yes, it's gd to have it short, but when you have too short, sometimes it just confuses and looses the readers' attention because of the ambiguity of the lines.
but the title is nice. (: | |
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*~Dreamer~* Losing Two Friends
Join date : 2009-06-16 Location : somewhere behind a computer screen ><
Character sheet Name: Dreamer (Left); Sky (Right) Age: 18/15 Affinity: Power Tapping and Invisibility (both)
| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD Thu Apr 21, 2011 8:42 am | |
| hey! update pl0x! your poetry thread has been really dead! more dead than mine! | |
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| Subject: Re: insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD | |
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| insert.awesomitasticamongus.word.here.and.you've.got.this.thread xD | |
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