No Such Thing As A Happy Ending

Prolouge

There I stood watching the people of the village laugh at me. All of them were circled around me, pointing and laughing. From where I stood in the middle, I could not see how many there were, but I just knew that the other villages were behind them. But there were no other villages...which really made me dizzy. What in the world was happening?
I did not know how to feel. Anger, pain, hurt...All of them surged through me, but I mostly felt confusion. Why were they even laughing at me in the first place. I looked down at my outfit.
A KaKai?...Why was I wearing the Fire Clan's formal dress? I was just a servant girl. This was only wore by the heir/heiress to the Fire Throne, one of the five clans of our village.
I looked back up to the villagers and saw that they were still laughing, though in the back there was some kind of upset. I attempted to look around the people to see what was going on, but there were too many of them.
Then, something patted me on the head. I looked up and a Cherry Tree Blossom fell onto my nose and drifted slowly to the ground. I quickly scanned my surroundings. We were situated upon a hill, blooming Cherry Tress were everywhere, but through the trees the place had a strategic look down at the village...And of any intruders coming towards it...And there were strangers from the North, I noticed, but the crowd grew louder and it became an afterthought. I then realized where we were: Look Out Point.
It was the place where the men of the village proposed to the women. Insane as it was, the question was always out of the blue. The man "always found some long and complex, yet so simple way" to trick a woman up there. At least, that was what the Madame always claimed. I didn't know if every man proposed there, if they had spent hours and schemed their bride-to-be up to the hill, or if it was just the same old gossip I had always eavesdropped on. I had never been to the point myself, and I was shocked to be here.
All of a sudden, something wet and cold touched my hand. I jumped up fending off a scream only to find Chicken, my master's dog, sticking his nose in my hand. As familiar a gesture it was, it startled me. I sighed and patted his head. The peace he gave me was limited as I again became all to aware of the laughing crowd, and, in despair, I sat down on the cold trunk of the tree that I hadn't noticed before. But I felt really drowsy and didn't think anymore of it.

haha, hi there! This is quite a quiet site (: I'm probably the only one active on the literature section (:

I'll continue posting here.

And you should too XD

I love this story, just as much as I did on the main site.

Chapter 1

I woke up from the dream in a daze. "Koori!" Madame always yelled to her fullest power.
Even when I was not totally concious I knew my line, "What service should you need?"
"Ice water, immediately."
"Yes, Madame Alexa."
"And one for me, too. With lemon." The Master could never resist ordering whatever Madame did, even if he didn't need it. The orders like that often came back untouched. If someone else did this, I would certainly frown upon it (that does call for the authority to frown upon it, though), but it was not wasting, for I took up all unfinished food and drink into my own tummy. I was more than happy for Master's weird urge.
"Yes, Master Urban." I popped out of my short, creaky bed, made it at an almost inhuman rate, and retrieved two ice waters, one with and one without lemon, and made my way to Master's bedroom.
I could tell from their present state that they had just woke up. Or at least Master's state.
Master's thick, gray hair was standing up all around his face. He had on his glasses, but even they were titled. His warm smile brought light to the room, but it too was crooked. His large dimples and fine lines ran amok on his face, but these were marks of wisdom. He seemed to have a smart and quirky manner about him, but a crazy one at that. Madame was an different story.
Even in early morning hours, she still looked perfect. She must've just tied up her thick, dark hair into a neat bun. There were no flyaways, so I highly doubt that she slept in it. She had no powder on, but she had never needed it. She was in her mid-sixties and not a single wrinkle was pressed onto her fine face. Her fair, pale face had not a single blemish, except for one birthmark: a mole, beside of her right eye. Of course, it only enhanced her appearance. Absentmindedly, I wondered if I could grow up to be that pretty. Maybe the people in the village would talk to me...Not just the traders. And then I would be brought up to Look Out Point. Someone would care for me so much that the would plan this awfully cool plan to trick me into going up there. They would propose as the sun was setting and the cherry blossoms surrounded us.
Master broke my daydream, "Can we have our waters?"
"Oh! Yes, Master Urban. Madame Alexa." I nodded to them both and handed them their beverages.
"After we finish our morning routine, please tidy after us, Koori. We must be off fairly early today for a village meeting. If you will excuse us..." His voice drifted off, as I hurriedly obeyed.
"Yes, Master Urban. Madame Alexa." I made my way out of the neat room and, at the door, I turned and nodded to them both again, finally making my escape.
I quickly walked down the short and narrow servant's hall, and ran into my room. I banged open my drawers and after a few minutes I located my nessecary clothes and underwear for the day.
I had my own bathroom which made up for the time lost in navigating through my messy wardrobe. Small, but I was lucky enough for it. I exhaled deeply, preparing for the long day ahead. I knew that the last couple of minutes was the only time I had to think slowly. It would be nothing, but chores and orders until tonight. I ran to the bathroom and "tidied up", as Master always put it. I hurriedly washed my face with water from my basin and ran back to the Master's bedroom.
I quickly checked my appearance in a seemingly random placed mirror in the hall -( my favorite one)- knowing Madame only tolerated the best. Though my clothes were but rags I still had to keep up myself, or so Madame always chanted. I sighed in relief, as I saw that I was in a good way, but no so much as to change my perfected posture, when I heard the doorknob click. I had barely made it on time, but barely was enough. Right on time. Chaa!
Master was the first one out of the door, which shocked me as he was the slow one, always pondering things at the wrong moment, and Madame was constantly scolding him.
"Koori. Koori!" Madame snapped her fingers. "Now just how long are you going to stand there in some loopy trance?"
I jumped. How long have I been going on? I've always been a bit of a daydreamer, but for Madame to be this angry. I don't understand how I do it. "Excuse me, Madame Alexa. Master Urban." I nodded to them both.
Apparently amused with my being startled, Master Urban started to chuckle. I was making a spectacle.
"I'm sorry, Master Urban. Madame Alexa. Please forgive my mistake and continue to the meeting. If I hold you any longer, you shall be late. Is there any service you need to be done while you are away?"
Madame Alexa nodded and recited her list. "We need you're regular chores to be completed, but also, please clean every room in the house for we may have visitors. Make sure the house is spotless and warm for it is fortold to be cold tonight. Make sure our room is also clean. Also, feed the livestock because Andrew cannot make it today."
Master Urban added, "Oh, and could you please fix my favorite for supper? You know what I like, my dear." He smiled warmly, as he and the Madame made there way out.
"Yes, Master Urban. Madame Alexa. Be safe on your trip."
"We'll be back really late now, but that doesn't make any room for slacking," Madame Alexa shouted back.
"I understand completely, Madame Alexa. Master Urban." The door slammed shut. I noddded to them, even though they couldn't see, so was proper ettiqute.
I shuffled slowly to the barn. Town meetings seemed to never end until at least an hour or two past midnight. I had plenty of time to complete my chores.
Horses, chicken, cows, donkeys, a mule, geese and ducks, and an cat. Why did we have so many animals to take car of.
As I took care of the animals, I idly wondered why Andrew, our farmhand, was not here today. I guess he was in attendance at the town meeting, as well. It must be very important. He had always taken care of the farm chores: Giving Daisy, John Boy, Eli, and Marshall, our horses, and Benjamin and Frankie, our idle donkey and ornery mule, their grain and hay; mucking their stalls; feeding the geese and ducks; milking George, our fatty cow; and making sure Gracie, our lazy cat, got inside and was well fed.
Today, that was my job. And it took me awhile because the horses were angry with Frankie, the mule, because he kept on getting into one of their stalls instead of the one set aside for him. Benjamin just stood in his stall and munched on his hay, as usual. He never did care for the others.
After they were fed, I got on some old boots and got the waste out of their stalls. It eerily smelled nice. My cheeks burned when I noticed.
After I fed the other animals, I milked George, who was nice enough to not give me trouble. I thanked him and made my way to the well to fetch some water to clean the house with.
The hill to the well was steep, and it didn't help that the pathway up the hill was a muddy mess thanks to the spring rain. The boots that I had kept on were making me slip. After I finally stopped plodding up the hill, I sat at the wall and caught my breath.
I was really curious about the town meeting. I didn't understand what was so important that the Master and Madame had to leave so early. The rain from last night started up again and I sighed deeply. I was too tired to move and stayed on. I crawled from the sturdy bricks of the well, to the shade of a tree. Somehow, my mind started whirling again and I started to laugh hysterically. I imagined Madame trudging up the hill in muck boots trying to get some water. I eventually stopped laughing, hoping no one chanced upon the scene. I got up and fetched the water and ran down the hill, trying not to slip or get soaked, but doing both in the process.
After my episode was over, I went inside, changed and cleaned up. I sighed and shrugged. "Can't put off the heavy work forever," I said aloud.
I started towards the kitchen, probably the worst room in the house.
The kitchen had yellow walls.
I scrubbed and scrubbed until the kitchen was in perfect shape. I stopped to take a break for a few minutes and survey my work. I grabbed some of the water I fetched and drank a bit. Then, I was on my way to the Master and Madame's bedroom.
I always cleaned Master and Madame's bedroom the fastest out of all of the rooms. That was probably because Madame was an absolutely perfectionist. Madame's best quality is her tidy and efficent manner. It'll make any man feel secure and relaxed at his house. The perfect quality for a girl who must be married. Maybe I can have good things like that going for me. And I would have a grand husband who would bring me home a bunch of flowers every night and--. I shooky my head quickly, ceasing my thought-fit.
Back to chores! I've always seemed to cheer and talk to myself. I looked around and realized that Madame and Master's room was about as clean as it could be, and I quickly started on to hallways.
After I was done with all of the hallways, the sky's color changed and my energy had dissipated. With a sigh, I collapsed to the floor and waited for the pain in my back to disappear. Once I was relieved, I went to every room fixing them up to the greatest possibilty. I also made sure to start the fires in the fireplaces throughout the house. I was glad Madame reminded me, because it was already getting cold.
I made my way back to the kitchen and decided to wait until just before midnight to make the dinner. I sighed and made my way to bed.

Chapter 2

As soon as I lay down, a peaceful silence grew over the house, but, of course, I heard someone screaming...My name. I should've known he'd be here today.
The door came upon with such force that the whole Earth shook and rumbled. "Jamison, calm yourself." I scolded him gently, and, as always, he ignored me.
"Did ya hear? Did ya hear? Did ya? DIDYA!?" The little black haired boy's eyes were sparkling, and he was jumping up and down in excitement.
"What?"
"Are you done with your chores this afternoon?"
"Yes. Excpet for the food. Now, what were you just going to tell me?"
"We'll buy some from one of the stallers. C'mon, we don't have much time! Hurry!" Jamison looked to the way he came. He had a sort of impatient look on his face, which made me smile. He nodded, as if he had made a decision and tugged my sleeve, dragging me along.
"Wait! Where are we going?"
"Hurry! I'll tell you when--well, you'll know when we get there."
I sighed in defeat and ran with him.

ehh... not very engaging. I'd say you're not leading the reader into the story because you lack some descriptions of what is going on. Conversations DO allow readers to understand the characters better, but it lacks as little on the background and setting of the novel.

*~Dreamer~* wrote:

ehh... not very engaging. I'd say you're not leading the reader into the story because you lack some descriptions of what is going on. Conversations DO allow readers to understand the characters better, but it lacks as little on the background and setting of the novel.

haha. I was kinda worried about that.
I was actually going to explain in in this chapter. When the little boy takes her to uh....rather not spoil it. But you'll figure out what's going on.

What i meant wasn't that you didn't sa y where they were going to, but rather, where they were at, and why they were there for. After revising my novel once, i realized that a very important contributing factor of a good novel is that it needs chunks of words -- descriptions of setting and actions. You have a lot of conversations and internal monologues, but... but... just the description.

Just for example:
'As I took care of the animals, I idly wondered why Andrew, our handyman, was not here today. I guess he was in attendance at the town meeting, as well. It must be very important.
After they were fed, I made my way to the well to fetch some water to clean the house with. When I was done, I started towards the kitchen, probably the worst room in the house.'

In this part, i could see so much that could be added.

1. took care of the animals. That's all? how about describing what sort of animals they had? or why it was you and not others? and which few do you take care off, if there are others taking care of the animals too?
2. 'idly wondered' instead of 'why', you could say 'idly wondered to' and add a place. then describe what you see along the way there. and then you bring up 'andrew'.
3. 'was not here today' I think you're really cutting away a lot of things. You could have mentioned about how you never failed to see that person every time you went (location) to feed the (species of animals)
4.'town meeting'. what is that? what do the people do? why is Andrew, a handyman involved? and hence bringing up the point that 'it must be very important'.
5. 'when i was done, i started towards the kitchen'. befor ethis, you were going to fetch some water. so describe! describe how far it is, describe the well, describe the road (e.g. 'the crisp light brown colour of the dusty bare road was inhabited by cars/animals/ people.... (describe scenery... trees, grass, plants, how it smelt etc). then add something interesting on the way back. Maybe make her late or something. then get scolded. try to add some spice to your story so that it doesn't sound so plain and rushed. It's okay if it's a little plain, but definitely no-no for rushed.

One more thing, I think you missed out a VERY very crucial description:
description of characters.
-koori: I don't know how she looks. long hair? short hair? braided? bun? ponytail? curl? straight? messy? neat? tall or short? clothes?
-madame: dress style? accessories? appearance? fat? thin? does she have some kind of aura? or does she have the 'you-are-such-a-low-life-only-fit-to-be-ordered-by-me' attitude (sorry i forgot the word/term... it slipped my mind)?

*~Dreamer~* wrote:

What i meant wasn't that you didn't sa y where they were going to, but rather, where they were at, and why they were there for. After revising my novel once, i realized that a very important contributing factor of a good novel is that it needs chunks of words -- descriptions of setting and actions. You have a lot of conversations and internal monologues, but... but... just the description.

Just for example:
'As I took care of the animals, I idly wondered why Andrew, our handyman, was not here today. I guess he was in attendance at the town meeting, as well. It must be very important.
After they were fed, I made my way to the well to fetch some water to clean the house with. When I was done, I started towards the kitchen, probably the worst room in the house.'

In this part, i could see so much that could be added.

1. took care of the animals. That's all? how about describing what sort of animals they had? or why it was you and not others? and which few do you take care off, if there are others taking care of the animals too?
2. 'idly wondered' instead of 'why', you could say 'idly wondered to' and add a place. then describe what you see along the way there. and then you bring up 'andrew'.
3. 'was not here today' I think you're really cutting away a lot of things. You could have mentioned about how you never failed to see that person every time you went (location) to feed the (species of animals)
4.'town meeting'. what is that? what do the people do? why is Andrew, a handyman involved? and hence bringing up the point that 'it must be very important'.
5. 'when i was done, i started towards the kitchen'. befor ethis, you were going to fetch some water. so describe! describe how far it is, describe the well, describe the road (e.g. 'the crisp light brown colour of the dusty bare road was inhabited by cars/animals/ people.... (describe scenery... trees, grass, plants, how it smelt etc). then add something interesting on the way back. Maybe make her late or something. then get scolded. try to add some spice to your story so that it doesn't sound so plain and rushed. It's okay if it's a little plain, but definitely no-no for rushed.

One more thing, I think you missed out a VERY very crucial description:
description of characters.
-koori: I don't know how she looks. long hair? short hair? braided? bun? ponytail? curl? straight? messy? neat? tall or short? clothes?
-madame: dress style? accessories? appearance? fat? thin? does she have some kind of aura? or does she have the 'you-are-such-a-low-life-only-fit-to-be-ordered-by-me' attitude (sorry i forgot the word/term... it slipped my mind)?

o.O Okay. I see. I miss understood.
I can add to that extremely.
Except number 4. *winkwink*
That's what I was talking about. I can't elaborate on that.'But omg I missed so much on her. I guess I just had the characters all up in my head I forgot to describe them. I don't know why, but I always take advantage of that. I forget that I can see it, but you can't. Haha. I can tell you allllll about that. I'll go back and edit it much much more.
Thanks so much, Ger. Really I greatly appreciate it. Criticism is something I need more than anyone else.
Now, now. I must, I shall be getting to work! xD

o.O And Koori. Hehe I was already working on that. lawl
You'll see what she looks like in a short minute. ((