Namine's Poetry? *gasp*

Okay so this is probably going to be crappish but here I go. That seems logical, right?

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Friends

Inside jokes,
Late nights,
All the fun,
And crazy times.
You know no matter,
How far apart,
I'm always a phone call away,
And you're always in my heart.

Whispered secrets,
Strong connections,
Just twins.
You know however mad,
I'll always be your friend at heart,
No matter what.

No matter the distance,
Miles or inches,
You cheer me up.
Memories are more than words,
And hugs are more than memories.

So this is to all of you,
Who put up with me,
My craziness,
My bad days,
My weird days,
My clumsy days,
My randomness,
My absolute meanest.
You absolutly deserve me,
At my best for doing that.

I hope you know,
That all of this,
Is said from the heart,
Not a Christmas card.
I hope you think,
All of this,
Is really true,
Because I'll always be there for you.

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This Year

This year I've been lied to,
Cussed at,
Yelled at,
Heartbroken,
Sad,
And just simply crazy.

But I was also,
Oh so happy,
And crazy,
Made good memories,
And better friends,
Strong connections,
And lots of weird jokes.

This year you all,
Never kept a secret,
So now I must tell you mine.
You are all so kind,
Caring,
Patient,
And loyal,
No matter what.

This year I opened up,
I found wonderful people,
Who accepted me,
For me.
Who didn't judge,
Just listened,
And told me what I should know.

I found leaders,
Followers,
And people like me,
That are so crazy we have courage.
I tried to teach you to not care,
Not one bit about what they thought.
I called them Fred Weasly,
And you sat in there seat,
I told them you loved them,
We sat behind them laughing.

This year was the best,
I've ever had,
But like all things,
Things must end,
And this is one I wish wouldn't.

Okie dokie artochokie. And thank you!~

This is a down right random poem that is the result of utter boredom
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Squigle

~ <- This is a squigle
I love the squigle.
He's my friend.
His name is Bob.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He has lots of family,
Named Fred,
Fredina for the girls.
BYE BOB!

Thanks. This is.... well just read it.
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They Call Me

They call me a liar,
They call me a cheater,
They call me a nerd,
They call me emo.

They call me happy,
They call me crazy,
They call me clumsy,
They call me weird,
They call me random.

But the one thing they never call me,
Is me.
They never say my name,
Or call me by it or anything.
So whom am I if I have no name?

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This one was for a project but I just like it. It's talking to Nkosi Johnson or Xolani Nkosi. Bolded words are quotes from We Are All The Same

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We Are All The Same Poetry Project

We are all the same,
My sweet little boy,
You are speaking for them,
And yourself.

If you posion us,
Do we not die?
But we are posioned,
Bound by our filthy blood,
To a near death.

The only family I had,
Bound by blood and fate,
My AIDS family,
We are all the same,
And I love you, my brother.
I am now lonely in this world.

Good night, sweet prince,
Rest in eternal peace,
Be at eternal rest,
Your job is done here.

Thank ya! You are too!

Thank you!!~

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No More Happy Endings

I guess it's time to choose,
To pull the final thread,
Of another could've been.

Why couldn't have that been happily ever after,
Why was it not forever?
Were we to scared,
To young,
To lost?

Why where all the good memories,
Thrown in the shadows,
After all the fights started?
Why'd we have to ruin,
Another fairy tale?

Thank you, both of you. You guys are both good poets too so it's like a humungo complient.

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This poem is something I wrote for a story I've been trying to write. It's from a guy's point of view, he's mute by the way.

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Lilly's Poem

I feel like I'm in a fish bowl,
I can hear,
I can see,
But I cannot speak.

I feel so left out,
Like part of me is missing,
Like I can never be.

Then she came along,
And she knows what it's like.
She may not be unspoken,
But she's spooked by death.

She feels like part of her is missing,
I see it everywhere.
She feels like she made it happen,
Like she was the murder.

But I know that's not the case,
That's not the way it should've been,
It's just another girl,
Whose fairy tale,
Didn't happily ever after at the end.

Take A Chance

Don't be scared,
Take a chance,
Do the unexpected.

If you stay inside,
The box or line,
All your life,
You'll never be exciting.

If you just put your toe into the water,
To see what adventures lie,
You would be suprised.

So take a jump,
Leap,
Soar,
And do something you haven't done before.

These walls around me,
Are getting so close,
I cannot breathe.

I run away,
And they come back,
The steryotype,
And all of that.

They say I'm an art freak,
Creative to the point of crazy,
I don't care what others think of my style,
And I make lots of friends.

So what if I am?
What does it mean,
That I cannot be sad,
A geek,
A jock,
A prep?

The walls are closing in faster,
Trying to smother me,
But you see,
I just run again.

You said this was forever,
You said I was your love,
You said you would never leave me,
Why did you lie through your teeth?

I can see that you don't care for me,
I can see you don't want to see me,
I can see you are pretending to love me,
Why pretend?

Why did you lie?
Why did you pretend?
Why did you think we could've been?

Fractured Mirror

I stare into a cracked mirror,
Old and seeing all.
It shows me for who I am,
Fractured and broken.

It tells no lies,
Shows you for who you are.
And sometimes that's a good thing.

It doesn't let you lie,
To yourself,
Or to anyone.

It reveals you for you,
The bare turth,
It will not pretend fo you.

I'll just be honest as to how I feel about your poem. (The last one I mean. The rest... II'll review some other time when I'll free to read, I am just picking a more quiet thread to reply to.)

Don't stop writing if you are hurt by what I have to say.

Not that it isn't good, but it would be better if you could refrain from using ''daily speech' lines. It doesn't read like a normal poem that way. It'd sound more like a prose because of all that common lines we see everyday.
Just an example, 'that's a good thing'. I get what you want to convey here, but no, I don't think it should be phrased that way. I rarely see people use such daily terms in poetry. Also, it seems to break a certain flow and throw me off course.

Having criticized so much, I still liked the idea of reflecting the real you. Although to be brutally honest, a lot of people have written such poem, but you covey it with a different view, in a good way. (:

I'd like to point out one more thing that I really find unique, the present tense. Although there are a lot of present tense poems, but somehow yours is... not like a typical present tense poem... Shows a certain depth to the poem (for me that is. I can't explain why, but it just does).

Once again, don't be disheartened and stop writing after seeing my critic, it's just IMO so you can ignore if you don't think it's that way (:

Just a suggestion: If you are looking for a place to improve your poetry, fictionpress would be a good place. People there are brutally honest. Though it hurts, but what they point out, you'll actually find it true.

*~Dreamer~* wrote:

Just a suggestion: If you are looking for a place to improve your poetry, fictionpress would be a good place. People there are brutally honest. Though it hurts, but what they point out, you'll actually find it true.

(don't worry I did read everything I'm just commenting on this) If brutally honest means basically telling me I couldn't write if someone was holding my hand and moving the pencil for me than I don't want brutally honest. I tried my hand their (not with poetry) and no one said a single good thing, all it was was paragraph upon paragraph of how crappy my work was. But thank you for the suggestion and I'll take your other advice. Your type of advice helps me fictionpress not so much.

And thanks VampyreFreak (PS: Yes in fact I know you go by another name which starts with an E but I wasn't sure if you wanted that here or not.)

hmm... keep posting yeah? this thread is practically stagnant! mosquitoes are starting to breed!

My Trust


I've put all my trust in you,
I hope you understand,
No one in this generation
Seems to understand,
That things you tell them,
Are meant to be a secret.

You seem to be the only good one,
The one that I can trust,
I feel idiotic for putting my heart,
With one single person.

If you break it,
I'm not sure what I'll do,
But I have faith that you won't,
Which is why I picked you.

sounds a little incomplete... like like... there's something missing there.
and it's so sad? idk... there's an element of sadness, fear... and somewhat a sense of comfort and blissfulness... that kind of trust that you somehow hold a little bit of fear within... It's so true you know... how we tend to tell so much and end up wonder what will happen if they ever break the pact...

Nicely written, not too long winded, but still, yes lacks a little bit of something. like an ending? because it somehow just doesn't seem to end.. or did you mean for it to be like that? because if you did, then perfect!

I sort of ended it like that because I think if there was an ending I would need to end it if the broke my trust. Which they haven't... yet.
And thank you!~(: