Dreamer's Poetry

very direct. Yea. I am having breakdowns in this month more often then i did before for the whole of last year.
It just happens very suddenly. I am doing my work, and then i ask my mom to help me find something. she simply asks me what it looked like and what was written on it. After explaining it to her once, when she asked a second time to clarify the size, i shrilled at her.
I'm quite easily provoked lately. as if nothing is ever to my satisfactory.

Is it because you're under stress? I could be a little emotional at times, (and also during a period of time of...well you know)

yeah i know. (:

No i don't have pms. (:

Maybe it is out of stress... but what is stressing me? srsly i am enjoying almost everything i am doing...
other than classmates and cca, i love everything, and i mean it, everything else.
I love school, i love lessons, i love studying, i love piano, i love having a busy life.
Is cca and classmates enough to make me breakdown in the third week of school and get so irritable?
I'm dubious of that, but maybe, maybe It is still possible.

That's normal, maybe because you just couldn't stand being with people who you don't actually want to be with and having to deal with them for basically longer than you can take. I feel irritated when I met a situation like this.

maybe. being beside this stupid councilor D: <
Know what she says?
All she ever says are:
'how long more to end of lesson? '
'this lesson is boring'
'i'm so tired' <--- Her tag line ==

Councellors say that?? I thought they're supposed to be, educational. LOL

precisely. she's totally not councilor-ish.
she is like trying to influence me to be lazy.

(anyway, i've gtg. it's 11.10 y'know. and it's time to sleep, for a poor student who has three tests tmr... one of which is vocabulary test... DAI! X.X I will do what i can do... but i want my 2pts!!! ><)

Good night Ger! Hope to see you tommorrow!

ehh i may be on, but tmr will be rather short time that i'll be on because i've got to be up early the following day and i've got to finish all my hw by friday (i've got to check out on stuffz on sunday for tuition. and my mom's gonna bring me out to get me new year clothes and stuffz. CNY's coming)

Yeah, and I haven't get my clothes yet (I'm planning to spend it on books though, but I'm sure she'll disagree on that) I have school on Saturday, a replacement for CNY holidays and that just plain suck, they will make us clean the classrooms instead of studying, it's a waste of time! Anyways, if we have the chance we could 'meet' tomorrow, haha.

lol i'm not turning in yet cause i want to bring my posts count up to 545 >< (be last on the list before i sleep ><)

Hahahaha, I used to do that, find stuff to post XD
Why are our names changed to purple btw?

post count 450< you become a member of the dd/s.

Really?????? I don't see any difference, XD

no the point of the dd/s is just to encourage ppl to post more. (:

nuuuuuuuuu.... my name isn't up there!!! ))): on that top poster list ))):

Um, it is...........XD

oh yeah, i saw it ><

Lacking Infinity, this title itself had captivated me, as usual, you have a talent with titles, salute you for that!

This poem relates well to the title, but somehow the rhythm is lost, when I read it it's not that smooth, especially in this part 'just for the sake of slower us?' Slower us, I would suggest that you add some words or change another term as I don't think it suited the sentence that well...It was sort of odd, haha.

The second stanza is the best stanze overall, it has a rhythm to it and it also carries a significant meaning, especially the last line.

Thanks. i't rather unexpected to see you giving reviews on a weekday ><

Rather desperate that night... Okay, not the night when i wrote that poem. I wrote that poem the night after.
I had about 5 pieces of homework due the following day, and due to competition, i returned late (around 8pm)... So yeah, by the time i was done with everything, it was about 9pm. So with 3 pieces of homework -- 1 essay (Chinese), 2 math, i had to prioritize my worklist. And i realized all of them were important pieces of homework which i could not say 'this isn't as important, i can reason with the teacher'. So I began to work with this in mind, 'do whatever you can in the time you're left with. Don't think worry about those that cannot be done, nor should you blame yourself for why you haven't done them earlier.'

By 11pm, I was REALLY very stressed up. One thing was because I was only down with my math, and half of an essay. The other was that it popped into my head that I had chemistry (redox reactions and air and environment) and geography test the following day... Which of course, I had studied for NEITHER.

Threw my composition aside, and i began my marathon of mugging, cramming.

Finally got to sleep (with my essay still half-completed) at about 2am. And then, what was more? I had to wake up an hour earlier to complete my essay. And i knew i needed a lot more time that i would have needed if i completed it the night before -- 1, my brain needed time to start up (like a computer), 2. i had to refresh my memory, 3. I needed to prepare myself (and as my brain needed time to start up, i had to take a longer time to do daily things like brushing my teeth and showering).

I don't know why i wrote all that, but well... that's basically why i wrote that poem.

The first stanza was a desperate plea, rather pathetic plea i would say, to time, hoping that it could slow down and wait for us.
The second was trying to reemphasize the point in the first stanza.
The third is about humans afraid of knowing tomorrow, but why can't we be like time? unafraid? Of course, as human as I am, I had to write something that we as humans would think. But when i wrote that line, 'unafraid of tomorrow', I was intimidated, yes. But intimidated by it's courage to face tomorrow -- the future. As humans, or mankind, we're looking back more often than looking forward. If we would only look forward right? if. That's the key to it. If. That's why we are never able to. Because 'If'.
The last, this is my fav stanza. 'we have ample of dreams, but no enough of you'. Because i really feel so. I have so much i want to do. But each time i sit down to write them out, i realize i don't have time to complete all that i want. Maybe that's what differentiates the good from the bad, the successful from the not so successful? I don't know.

One more thing to add,
the first word of each paragraph was deliberately chosen to show the ceaselessness of time.


I'm just explaining what is my reason behind that poem. You don't have to think the way i do, but i just felt that some parts of it weren't really what i meant for it to convey so yeah did a bit of explaining to clarify my POV.

And it's alright to think your way. In fact, i'd very much like to hear what you think of it (as in more than just the general piece).

Still, thank you for the praise (:
Really encourages.

(From this post on, for any poem i post, i will add a 'next up'. ' next up' will be what you'll be seeing in the nex write. And if the theme is met, the colour of the poem will be violet, otherwise it will either not be coloured or be in other colours. I will also add a note that the poem written is of the theme mentioned in the previous post.)

< exception: because i didn't write in the poem post.>

Next up >> fear?

Fearful Fearless

Capture the sensation
of fear
and let it captivate.

Imagine the scene
of qualm
and let it control you.

Why can't I see
the picture piece
together in my mind?

Have I lost the
ability to feel
something so close to me?

Or have I been enlightened,
till there's nothing
left to falter and dread about?

To ponder about the idea
of fear
is by itself the greatest distress.
~Ger.

A/Nl Alright, pardon me for such a terrible write. Ik how much it sucks, because when I wrote it, I knew I was off point. It isn't that it's completely off point, just that it isn't clearly expressed. And it's dry and not engaging. Furthermore, the flow doesn't seem right. Okay, it's free verse, but it's like not a very nice piece, well, not nice at all to be straight out. I hate saying this, but it can be considered my first attempt in writing such a poem although most of my poems are categorized under free verse, but this is the first time i actually write without commas. I hate saying such kind of things because it read to me like an excuse.

And so just ignore that (it's just a disclaimer) when you read the poem. review it with it being written by one who is familiarized with such a writing structure.

Next up >> Gap(s).

Hey Ger!
Okay, I'm being overly excited today, lol. Partly because I'm going back to my hometown tomorrow for CNY, so happy CNY to you too! Yeah, it's rare for me to go online during weekdays, considering I'm not permitted to do so and also because of my busy schedule, but I was 'managing' my mum's computer that day and she gave me a free pass, haha. So, here I am again.

Your schedule was sort of hectic, though I did pull through the night for the sake of studying (last minute preparation for exams), I couldn't stand waking up earlier nor sleeping in the early morning. I was always tempted to...care less about the test, but I couldn't. Isn't that what failing is all about, temptation? Haha, in a very long sense. Okay, I'm rambling aren't I?

That was not an awful poem, it just didn't give me the 'vibe', not wholly anyway. There are few verses which made me nodding my head in agreement, frantically, and then there were a few which made me go 'Oh, yeah...I don't think I'm explaining myself well, pardon me for that!

Fearful Fearless - that title sort of contradicts to one another, but it's fascinating. I don't think that's a bad poem, despite your first time writing a poem with commas, as you put it, I like it. In fact, I love the stanzas and as usual, I have my fav.

To ponder about the idea
of fear
is by itself the greatest distress.

Distress, that's a good way to describe fear. As once my friend told me, fear is actually 'pei2 yang3' (I forgotten what it called in English, nurture? lol) and not born with, which I think it was completely logical. A baby was born without fear, but it was his/her surrounding that had let them develop the 'feeling, emotion'. Would someone be scared of cockroaches if they were taught that cockroaches are friends? Pardon my analogy, ;p

I love the contradiction in the poem, it's actually quite a great job for a first timer of this sort of poem;)

The last stanza was actually the whole purpose i wrote it.
Somehow i seem to be hiding a lot in me.. not not hiding, more of suppressing.

I don't know if it's due to me reading up on the styles of thinking and realizing i'm showing too much of myself? Wait who am I anyway? Do I even know this body I'm controlling? Do I even know this soul I presumed as mine? Do I even know if I am myself?

Well, these things do bug me a lot. There're so many things I want to ask about myself, of which I cannot answer any of them.

I always have something to say, depends on whether you think that's good or not. Which basically means, no matter what, I've words to say. and it often beings like this 'xxxxxx is xxxxx therefore xxxx seems better.' or 'but'
My favourite line: 'it's not that this isn't good, just that I feel/ I think that/ it may be, etc.' (okay this is more of an idealist way of dealing with things, going soft and nice, seemingly 'round' (wan2 zhuan3).
But apparently, I'm a synthesis. I often get into debates before i come to realize it. and I always stick with my stand until the end, giving a thought for the other side of the issue, but ignoring the sense that is spoken from the other side of the issue.
Okay, I'm blabbering nonsense.
My point is, i am just confused.

I broke down a lot in the first week and a half of school, but after that, everything seemed to have been gone.

I was greatly distressed... when my language teacher told me to close my eyes and think of a scenario of fear, and allow myself to be consumed by it (it is for a descriptive essay about fear). I sat there for 10minutes, thinking and thinking. And I only got more afraid, rather i'd say fearful, i could feel my heart beating faster and faster as the time ticked away. It wasn't because of the image i saw... but of the bleak nothingness that shrouded me. I was petrified. What is wrong with me? have i no fear? NO fear AT ALL? NO fear?
Define it! define fear! what's fear? Why do I NOT have fear? when it was so clear last time what i feared most.
Could it have been slowly forgotten as my desires rose to take over? Can't say for sure.

I go to a competition, but this year, it is the first year i haven't felt fear grip me. I was not stiff, nor was my heart beating fast. nothing. i was just being my normal old self, like i was training. was I becoming less humane?

and well, i'm playing doubles in the competition, so yea i have a partner.
All I ever did was to tell her to chill and not be so tensed. and to stop jumping and screaming sorry when she makes a stupid mistake. We all make mistakes, whether training or playing a match. it's inevitable... but yeah, i don't know if that added to the bane that was weighing on my already weary heart... I don't really want to play doubles, nor did i wanted to double with her. I just didn't want the coach to get pissed or distressed by my uncooperative actions. So I just played along. I have always wanted to play singles. I haven't had a chance to... and i was hoping i could give it a go this year, but unfortunately, i didn't get the chance to either.
Bleak bleak. I don't even feel like taking up this sport when i'm in JC, but the point is, my passion is still there, i mean my passion for this sport i'm playing (and have been playing for the past 8 years).
I brought it up before to the coach, just that the coach was staring at me and told me, look at the bat you're holding, do you think you can even play singles? (mine's the defensive type of bat). Then get me a offensive one! i perked up (i've used the normal, more offensive type of bat for the first 5 years of my life playing this sport, which is 2 years more than the number of years i've played using this defensive bat).
He just shook his head and told me to play my doubles properly. so i didn't go on further with it.

I wish i had persisted. with that one year of practice, i would have returned to my average standard before, and i acquired a few new skills during my immersion which helps the normal offensive bats ( not the type of bat i'm using now).

disappointment.

Nothingness.
I feel that too. Maybe not like yours but I do feel it too. Ever since I told myself that I don't want to take people's crap this year (if you could remember, it's actually my new years resolution) and I think I'm being more bold and less self-restrain. That might be a good thing but it also felt wrong in so many ways. The thing is, I found myself to be incapable of bearing or prooducing an intense feeling. The old me would shout at just about anything, being the overly hyperactive girl when she watched her idol strutting his way on the stage, or watching a romantic movie while having tears flowing non stoppingly. Yes I still do that, but somehow the feeling did not sink in as deep as before, and that scares me so. I don't feel nervous anymore, I don't feel scared, I don't feel intensed! Am I being inhumane? Like you said too?

I'm sorry that you felt that dissapointment that weighs you down, I know that feeling because I've been through it as well, although it's in a vey different way as yours. It still stung. I put a lot of effort in that particular thing but in the end I was treated like a....sidekick. I know I should not want any kind of repayment, I really don't, but the least I hope was to be counted in the 'work-hard group' too, but I was cast aside, obliviious to other people, the feelings that I buried inside.

I'm rambling aren't I?